Sandstorm's Sadness
by ChasingFinnick
Summary: Sandstorm is left grief-stricken after the death of her beloved mate, Firestar, after the battle against the Dark Forest. Find out her thoughts and feelings about her past life with him are in this oneshot following the events of The Last Hope.


"_Firestar. This is your last life. You can't risk losing it now. Your Clan needs you._"

"_They need me to fight._"

"_But what will they do if you're killed?_"

"_They'll fight harder. My warriors have only one life to lose and they are willing to give it up for their Clanmates. I'm no different. My place is beside them._"

I tried. Firestar's determination to protect his Clan was stronger than my plea for him to stay safe. It was what needed to be done, but my heartache cannot be healed. The battle has been won, but so much has been lost.

These past few sunrises have been the hardest. I awake every morning, finding myself enjoying one split second of peace, until it all comes back, tumbling down on me like a downpour. My beloved mate is dead.

It makes me think back to the time when he first came into the Clan. He left his kittypet life. Dustpelt and I never let him hear the end of it, taunting him every chance we got. At one point, I even wanted him to sleep as far away from me as possible. Oh, how I wish I could have those moments with him again, only without my hostile feelings. Right now, I want him to sleep closer to me more than ever. Dustpelt and I have both lost our mates, the ones we've known ever since we were in the old forest.

Firestar and I had a great life together, and I was happy to serve as his lifelong mate, by his side until the very end. _"I told you not to waste your final life,"_ I remember saying to him after the battle was over, and lightning struck. Though, it wasn't the fire that had killed him, as ironic as that would be. It was his wounds. Tigerstar finally got what he wanted; to see Firestar dead. I'm happy he isn't around to celebrate.

I remember when I went with Firestar, Fireheart back then, to rescue Cloudtail, then Cloudpaw, from the Twolegs that had taken him hostage. Back then, my feelings were growing for him more and more everyday, ever since he saved me from falling into the gorge. Around that time, he began to confide in me about Cloudpaw's behavior. I was glad I was a cat he could trust.

And then there was BloodClan. They made their ominous debut right when Firestar became leader. We had to fight or flee, and I was pleased to help Firestar make his final decision, and fight those wretched Twolegplace kitties, sending them back to where they belong. If only Scourge hadn't taken one of my deceased mate's lives...maybe he would be here with me still, enjoying the peace.

Firestar and I were really alone when we went to rebuild SkyClan. I doubted his love for me, mostly because of the ever-lurking Spottedleaf, who could've stolen Firestar's heart if she hadn't died at the claws of Clawface. But I knew our love reigned strong when he found me after the storm separated us. We fought side by side against the rats, both of us so young. Leafpool and Squirrelflight grew up to be very loyal to each other. Although they have caused trouble, they have a bond that I haven't seen in siblings for many moons, except for in my grandkits.

I guess Spottedleaf was never really a threat. She was in StarClan, and I was by Firestar's side ever since he first joined the Clan. We've had many seasons filled with love together, but it still wasn't enough.

I owe Spottedleaf my life, saving me from that baleful orange and white she-cat. Though if she hadn't, I'd be with Firestar in StarClan right now. With her too. I was going to end up in StarClan, or she would end up gone forever. She paid a high price to save Firestar's feelings...I will never be more grateful.

More and more each day I feel a stab of regret targeting my stomach as I remember Sorreltail stopping me from helping Firestar in his final showdown against Tigerstar. I guess I should be thankful she did, because it was his destiny. Sorreltail isn't here anymore, and Brackenfur has never looked more depressed. I haven't seen him without Lilykit and Seedkit in quite a few days.

_"Fire alone will save the Clan..."_

The prophecy Bluestar got so long ago was completely fulfilled today. I will never forget everything Firestar has led ThunderClan, and all the Clans through, including SkyClan. He was so determined to give up his last life like each one of his warriors would.

I sat with my nose in his fur until every last drop of warmth slipped out of him. I sat vigil for the rest of the night, remembering everything we've gone through. "I'm still waiting for you to visit me, Firestar..," I whisper, hoping he will hear it somehow.

"Wait for me, and watch over me, never let me out of your sight. I love you, so, so much."

Graystripe joins me next to Firestar's grave. Him and I were taking it the hardest, for I was his mate, and Graystripe was his best friend. The gray tom says nothing. The battle had made him weaker, and his paling muzzle showed how he was aging. He'd be an elder soon, and so would I.

I remember taunting Firestar about how Mousefur would look sweet and gentle next to me when I would become an elder. Now, I'd never sit beside her again, and Firestar wouldn't be here to see me as an elder. Maybe at one point, I'd thought we'd be in that den together.

How foolish of me to think that. Firestar was a leader who'd fight to the very last breath of his ninth life. His six moons as a kittypet were nothing compared to the successful life he lived, the prophecies and destiny he fulfilled. Let his name blaze and echo on...forever.


End file.
